Monday, April 20, 2009

Outnumbered 2:1

I realize that now I am outnumbered. There are 2 boys in this house and only one of me. There are going to be days, especially when Topher gets older, when I cannot escape ESPN and Batman, when I'm tripping over baseball gloves and soccer balls. My sister, who has 2 girls, asked if I minded being the only girl. She thought she wouldn't like it very much (and I don't think that she would.) But I think this is my ideal life. I have always had more male friends than female...I just understand guys better and I don't feel as self-conscious around them. As girly as it sounds, I feel like a princess in my house now. I'll always be the one who is softest, and who smells the nicest. I won't have to share my hair dryer with anyone, and I won't have to learn how to style French braids. Instead, I'll be forever playing tag and football, forever watching my little baby turning into a man. When I was pregnant, I worried about having a girl. I was scared to have a girl because, as odd as it sounds because I am one myself, I felt like I wouldn't know what do with one and that I would worry about her constantly as she got older. But TJ and I both wanted a boy so badly that we figured Murphy's Law would undoubtedly hand us a little girl, so we started preparing for one just in case. We chose a name and started thinking that it wouldn't be the end of the world...the little pink outfits are pretty cute and I love when little girls have a sprout of a ponytail right on top of their head. She'd definitely be a tomboy, we decided (as if you can just "decide" what your kids will be like), and she would reject ballet classes in favor joining a soccer team. We lied to ourselves that our girl would be so into sports that she would hardly notice boys (ha!) and she wouldn't bother herself with trivial things like clothes and makeup (double ha!) So when we went in for that 20-week sonogram, we were honestly prepped to hear, "It's a girl!" and I think by that time my genuine reaction would have been one of joy. I was really ready to accept my fate of fairy wings and plastic tiaras, and I was just the tiniest bit excited about a room littered with Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies. So when the sonographer rolled the wand around and stopped at a particular spot, clicked a few buttons on her keyboard to freeze the picture, and asked if we could tell what it was, I was still mentally lost wondering whether or not our little girl might have freckles like me. I looked at the screen and had no idea what I was looking at or even from what angle the picture had been taken. I hazarded a guess and said, "A girl?" and TJ said, "No, I think it's a boy." The woman said, "Dad's right. It's a boy." Oh. A boy. That's what I wanted...wasn't it? I had to hear it a few more times to let it sink in...I'm having a boy, I'm having a boy. How could my body possibly be growing a boy, how did I even know how to do that?? Was it relief or disappointment that I was feeling? A little boy...I rolled the idea around in my brain for awhile as I allowed the dinosaurs and astronauts to crowd out the horses and wands, the trucks and action figures to push aside the tu-tus and and tights. And there it was, hiding behind all that pink...my relief, my overwhelming happiness at getting exactly the thing I had wanted the most. I know that I would have been happy, overjoyed, with a girl. I know that little girls are so special and so cute they melt hearts. But there is something about little boys that is very special too. There's something about a sweaty little head and grass-stained jeans that just makes me want to be a mommy. I can't wait for Topher to go through whatever stages he obsesses over...sea creatures, space exploration, sports. I can't wait to buy him a poster of a rocket launch, or a humpback whale, or a T-Rex. I can't wait to watch him play soccer with his daddy while Sassy runs around attempting to herd them both. My boys are my life. TJ is my everything, and Topher has crowded his way into being the center of attention in this family and our proclaimed pride and joy. I don't think I could have dreamed up a more perfect family. I took this picture yesterday and it's now my favorite one. My little boy, and behind him the man he would be lucky to become someday. I may be outnumbered. I may always be living in a boy's world, absorbing more sports and dragon facts than I ever cared to know. But I wouldn't want it any other way. --KC

9 comments:

  1. I think you may be fooling yourself if you honestly think this will be your only child. That's a little blunt - but hey, you know me. I also know you DO NOT believe me now. Fine. Don't. But. . . there is a part of you, being a woman, that is out of your control. It's a little nagging part that when your baby gets to be not a baby any more starts to turn back on. It starts to make you feel like you want, no NEED another baby. It's a part you DO NOT get to control. Sorry.

    If it doesn't turn back on, well then you'll be in the major minority. Or you're just lying, or you've already got a few and by then that little part gets weaker and weaker. Unless you're me and Jeff and that part never seems to get weaker it just turns on a little later. Not for Jeff, the man could have a baby every nine months if given the chance.

    I think yours will turn back on.

    Just you wait.

    luvs, aby

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  2. I'm not *completely* opposed to having one more, if and only if that desire ever comes (for both of us) and I realize that if that happens I might not always be outnumbered...I just mean that I love my life right now, and that I know I'll be okay if I never have a girl. :)

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  3. p.s. I KNOW there are women out there who are not baby crazy like you. :)

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  4. Baby crazy??

    Ok, that's fair.

    And you're right, there are definitely women out there who aren't crazy for the babies - I just don't think you're one of them.

    luvs, aby

    PS - I hope you didn't think I was being mean, I was actually trying to say I think you're a great Mom, TJ's a great Dad and I can see you two having more kids. Reading my comment over I can see how the "Or you're just lying" part MIGHT seem a little harsh. I totally didn't mean it that way. Sometimes you have to "hear" my tone in order for my comments to make sense and realize I'm being sarcastic 99% of the time.

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  5. Haha, don't worry, I'm not that easily offended. and if I could have another KID and skip right over the BABY part, it would be a lot more tempting. Every time Topher hits another milestone, I get happier because I know he's getting bigger. :) And thanks, you guys are great parents too and probably a lot more natural at it than me. (I'm sticking to my baby-crazy statement though, lol.)

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  6. karen, this was the sweetest entry yet! I even teared up a bit. :)
    I just love how excited you are with what you have, i think that's what makes you such a great person.

    I agree with you, there is something special about little boys, they're just so much fun! I always thought i wanted a girl, but the more i get to know Owen, and look back at pictures of Chris when he was little, I think having a boy would be so much fun! Your boys are so cute, and that picture is beautiful! You need to frame that one. :)

    love
    Tina

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  7. Aww, thanks Tina, you're so sweet. I know, as girls, we are traditionally expected to want to have little girls, but I'm with you...little boys are great. They just seem easier for me to play with and to entertain, and I'm much less afraid of a teenage boy than I am of a teenage girl, lol. I do need to frame that pic, in fact I need your artistic talent to help me with all my pics!!!

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  8. Karen ...the picture of Topher and TJ reminds me of an ending scene in Forest Gump where FOrest and his little boy are both watching TV and cocking their heads the same way to the same side! I love it! And I love your honesty in your writing....you are a great writer!

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  9. i don't think you need my help with your pics, you've taken some great shots of Topher!
    Tina

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