I realize that now I am outnumbered. There are 2 boys in this house and only one of me. There are going to be days, especially when Topher gets older, when I cannot escape ESPN and Batman, when I'm tripping over baseball gloves and soccer balls. My sister, who has 2 girls, asked if I minded being the only girl. She thought she wouldn't like it very much (and I don't think that she would.) But I think this is my ideal life. I have always had more male friends than female...I just understand guys better and I don't feel as self-conscious around them. As girly as it sounds, I feel like a princess in my house now. I'll always be the one who is softest, and who smells the nicest. I won't have to share my hair dryer with anyone, and I won't have to learn how to style French braids. Instead, I'll be forever playing tag and football, forever watching my little baby turning into a man.
When I was pregnant, I worried about having a girl. I was scared to have a girl because, as odd as it sounds because I am one myself, I felt like I wouldn't know what do with one and that I would worry about her constantly as she got older. But TJ and I both wanted a boy so badly that we figured Murphy's Law would undoubtedly hand us a little girl, so we started preparing for one just in case. We chose a name and started thinking that it wouldn't be the end of the world...the little pink outfits are pretty cute and I love when little girls have a sprout of a ponytail right on top of their head. She'd definitely be a tomboy, we decided (as if you can just "decide" what your kids will be like), and she would reject ballet classes in favor joining a soccer team. We lied to ourselves that our girl would be so into sports that she would hardly notice boys (ha!) and she wouldn't bother herself with trivial things like clothes and makeup (double ha!) So when we went in for that 20-week sonogram, we were honestly prepped to hear, "It's a girl!" and I think by that time my genuine reaction would have been one of joy. I was really ready to accept my fate of fairy wings and plastic tiaras, and I was just the tiniest bit excited about a room littered with Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies.
So when the sonographer rolled the wand around and stopped at a particular spot, clicked a few buttons on her keyboard to freeze the picture, and asked if we could tell what it was, I was still mentally lost wondering whether or not our little girl might have freckles like me. I looked at the screen and had no idea what I was looking at or even from what angle the picture had been taken. I hazarded a guess and said, "A girl?" and TJ said, "No, I think it's a boy." The woman said, "Dad's right. It's a boy." Oh. A boy. That's what I wanted...wasn't it? I had to hear it a few more times to let it sink in...I'm having a boy, I'm having a boy. How could my body possibly be growing a boy, how did I even know how to do that?? Was it relief or disappointment that I was feeling? A little boy...I rolled the idea around in my brain for awhile as I allowed the dinosaurs and astronauts to crowd out the horses and wands, the trucks and action figures to push aside the tu-tus and and tights. And there it was, hiding behind all that pink...my relief, my overwhelming happiness at getting exactly the thing I had wanted the most.
I know that I would have been happy, overjoyed, with a girl. I know that little girls are so special and so cute they melt hearts. But there is something about little boys that is very special too. There's something about a sweaty little head and grass-stained jeans that just makes me want to be a mommy. I can't wait for Topher to go through whatever stages he obsesses over...sea creatures, space exploration, sports. I can't wait to buy him a poster of a rocket launch, or a humpback whale, or a T-Rex. I can't wait to watch him play soccer with his daddy while Sassy runs around attempting to herd them both.
My boys are my life. TJ is my everything, and Topher has crowded his way into being the center of attention in this family and our proclaimed pride and joy. I don't think I could have dreamed up a more perfect family. I took this picture yesterday and it's now my favorite one. My little boy, and behind him the man he would be lucky to become someday.
I may be outnumbered. I may always be living in a boy's world, absorbing more sports and dragon facts than I ever cared to know. But I wouldn't want it any other way.