We've only been in Spring Training mode for about a week, but it's amazing how much more active we feel already. My first day of running, I only made it through a single song on the ipod before stopping to walk. Now, I can go over a mile before walking a short way and then jogging the rest of the way home. The loop I run is just over 2 miles and I run 6 days a week. Some days I positively do NOT want to go (especially that day when the wind chill was in the 40's), but I keep running and the better I get at it, the more I want to go the next day. It's also the only time during the day when I am well and truly alone. As much as I love my family, it's very nice to be able to live up in my own head for awhile, to blast the music as loud as I want, to twirl and wave my arms around, and to relish in the fact that my body is all mine again. I'm terrible at sharing--must have missed that episode on Sesame Street--and being pregnant was like being forced to share myself for 8 months. (To be fair, I didn't know it was little Tophie in there!) So to be able to go running just feels so liberating.
Sometimes it's fun to live in a small town, because every time I'm out running and I pass a car, the driver waves, or if I pass a person, they smile and say hello. And neighbors spontaneously gather out in the street to visit. Little kids are always cutting across our yard, and even though we have a "Beware of Dog" sign up on our fence, everyone in town knows that Sassymuffin is a big lovebug. People don't know our names, but they know we're the couple with the big friendly dog. "Oh, you're Sassy's parents!" We hear that all the time and I'm just thinking, how does Sassy manage to make more friends than us? She can't even leave the backyard!
Today the high is 86 degrees. It looks like we passed through Spring in about a week and moved right on to summer. The warmer weather has also led us to a new discovery about Topher. Usually he tosses and turns at night, and we'll have to go in and put him back in the middle of his bed several times because he has scooted so far forward and is banging his head on the bars. But the other night we skipped his pj's and just let him sleep in a diaper and a t-shirt. He slept all night without moving a muscle. He did it again last night, and this morning he has been napping now for 2 straight hours, and he NEVER naps that long. Apparently he has just been too hot to get comfortable all this time! (That makes me feel pretty bad, actually.) It makes sense, though...he has so much baby chub now that he doesn't need the layers of clothes.
I know it's taken me a long time--probably way too long--to get to this point, but last night I was thinking that I'm really really glad that Topher is here. He was laughing and making me laugh and his bright blue eyes were flashing with humor and I just thought, wow...this is good stuff. He's a really fun little boy. I used to be so relieved when he would fall asleep but now I'm surprised to find myself a little bored, and wondering when he might wake up so we can go for a walk together. I guess in short I'm getting less scared of him. That's what it really comes down to. I used to be scared that he would cry and I would have no solution, but now I can usually figure out what he wants. I used to be scared that he would never sleep long enough, and now I take for granted that he'll go to bed at 9pm and wake up just before 6am. I used to be scared that he would be terrified of our animals or wouldn't care about them, but it turns out that he loves them enthusiastically and it's the animals who are nonchalant about him. I used to be scared that TJ and I would never again be able to be alone, but TJ's parents babysit about once a week and Topher loves it over there (thank you, Terry and Kathy, you guys are wonderful grandparents!) I used to be more anxious in general around him, but now I can feel myself becoming more relaxed. I used to be scared that he would never really know us, but you should see the smile he saves just for his daddy, or the way he adjusts his eyes to me when he wakes up and breaks into a grin. He knows us.
I'm running out of things to be afraid of. So instead I just run.